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Groucho Marx Quotes

18 quotations by Groucho Marx

QuoteOutside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.Quote

QuoteMilitary intelligence is a contradiction in terms.Quote

QuoteMilitary justice is to justice what military music is to music.Quote

QuoteMoney frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.Quote

QuoteWomen should be obscene and not heard.Quote

QuoteMy mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.Quote

QuoteShe got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.Quote

QuoteThose are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.Quote

QuoteIt isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.Quote

QuoteI find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.Quote

QuoteI never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.Quote

QuoteGo, and never darken my towels again.Quote

QuoteA child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.Quote

QuoteI've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.Quote

QuoteAge is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.Quote

QuoteFrom the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.Quote

QuoteEither this man is dead or my watch has stopped.Quote

QuoteI sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.Quote